Throwing My First BBQ

One of the core strategies I employ to increase my social circle, be a leader in my social circle and to have an interesting lifestyle is to throw events. 

 I have become extremely proficient with throwing large scale house parties, averaging between 30 and 50 guests. I have been contemplating throwing a BBQ on such a scale, but with a hired chef and bartender. I decided to throw a small BBQ (ten guests) as a trial run, without hired help, to see if (1) I enjoy throwing BBQs for friends, (2) What the costs will be, and (3) Figure out the logistics of throwing one. 

I will be serving chips, baby back ribs, hot dogs and hamburgers, plus frozen margaritas and daiquiris, dessert. On food alone I spent approximately two hundred for an expected ten guests, though at the time of this writing it may end up being only seven total. 

Even though having guests bring food would cut costs, I do not like the concept of having guests bring food items for the simple fact that people are unreliable. There is always a significant chance that several, if not more, guests will cancel, flake or arrive late. 

Some re-usable items for the party that I purchased were: 

(1) 20’ x 10’ Tent: $280.00
(2) Cooler: $70.00
(3) Margaritaville Fiji Frozen Concoction Maker: $349.00
(4) 6’ Folding Banquet Tables x 3: $210.00

Total Cost of Reusable Items: $839.00 

As obvious from above I enjoy going all out. It is my belief that if you are going to throw a party, it should be of such caliber that any other party/bbq/dinner party/event that an attendee has been to before would pale in comparison. Put another way, if you are going to do something, do it right.

I put this entire thing together last minute, on a Tuesday, with the bbq being in a few hours through txt messages. Typically I use Facebook’s event feature to organize events, which I will do for future bbqs.

I set the BBQ to start at 3 p.m., with the ribs already on the grill at noon since they take four hours to cook. This will be the time I serve chips, dip and frozen margaritas and daiquiris. I’ve never been to a party where frozen drinks were served. I’ve been to parties and bbqs however that had non-frozen margaritas…icky. I have plenty of beer from my last large scale party a few weeks ago. From 4:30 to 5 p.m. I will serve the ribs, hot dogs and hamburgers. At 6 p.m. I will serve dessert which I purchased a large red velvet cake and a large apple pie. I expect the whole event to be over between 8 and 9 p.m. 

I will provide an additional update a week from now on how the above plan unfolded.

A New Direction for this Blog

It has been over a year since I've updated this blog.  The reason for this is that my focus has shifted.  Over the last four years my outlook has evolved from the traditional pickup mindset of night/day cold approaches on girls to building a massive social circle through developing an attractive and exciting lifestyle.  After some thought on the matter I have decided to retool this blog to better represent how I now life my life.  Gone will be field reports, lay reports, and the like and more posts on how to improve your lifestyle and live an attractive life.  The PUA community still has a place in my life and I believe that every man should learn the techniques and philosophies of the community, but this blog is more geared for those that have already went out and done their approaches, know how to build attraction and rapport with the opposite sex and close them.  It is for those looking for how to incorporate that aspect of their life into bettering their life as a whole.

Approach: Stephanie

It was around midday during the week a couple of weeks ago when I sat down in the enclosed waiting area on one of the Long Island Rail Road platforms to wait for my train. An attractive blond sat down two seats down from me and began playing with her kindle or nook. I was enjoying my apple and was waiting to finish before I opened. By the time I was done I realized that she was playing some sort of game on the thing, which I had no idea you could even do, so I opened with, “Playing anything good?” as opposed to, “Reading anything good?”

The girl lit up instantly. I firmly believe, especially once you are out of the early morning hours, that most people are simply bored and starting a conversation with a girl will typically brighten their day as long as you do not come off as creepy or needy.

We discussed the game a bit, I asked to see the thing, fiddled with it for a moment and then handed it back to her telling her that it was neat. I transitioned into a conversation about books. It seemed natural considering we began with a game on her nook (we will just assume it is a nook).

She asked me my name, I asked her hers and then I asked her about the case she had with her that looked like it contained a musical instrument. Most of my transitions will come from observations or a natural offshoot of whatever topic we are discussing. This makes the conversation flow naturally rather than come off like an interview. Of course I do have quite a few defaults I fall back on if the conversation feels like it is losing energy or stalling.

It turned out she was a music therapist and worked at several different locations and was in the process of heading from one location to another which was why she was waiting for the train (which was a different train than I was waiting for).
The conversation was moving at full speed when her train showed up. She got up to go and hesitated which indicated to me she wanted me to number close, but I actually didn’t want to. I already have a girlfriend and this girl gave off super girlfriend type vibe…not the sort of girl you can bring to a bar for a couple of drinks and then sleep with, which is all I’m looking for. I let her go.

While out that Friday night I see I have a new friend request notification on my phone on Facebook. I take a look and I see the name Stephanie and I’m thinking, who the hell is Stephanie, must be spam. On Saturday when I actually take the time to look at it, it was the same girl. If a girl friend requests you on a Friday or Saturday night that is a major indicator of interest. That means she was either hanging out with her girlfriends talking about you and they decided to look you up and friend you or she was sitting there all by herself thinking about you with nothing to do on a key night to be going out.

I wait a few days before I accept the request, a little puzzled as to how this girl even found me. All she knew was my first name, that I was an Attorney and possibly the town I lived in. I probably asked hers when I was prescreening logistics.

The following exchange occurred via Facebook messaging:

Me: I knew you said you were a music therapist but you never told me you were an internet sleuth ;-) How in the world di you find me…or is that a trade secret?

Her: Haha well you know I can’t give all my secrets away….I thought our conversation was cut off too soon so I figured there must be a way to find you! Hows that reading going?

Me: Well after taking the trouble to find me I should disappoint. Do you have any plans for next Friday? We can meet for drinks and continue where we left off :-)

Her: Well that sounds like a Fabulous idea! I’d love to :-)

Me: Choose a place that you like somewhere near you and we’ll go there :-) What is your cell phone number?

Her: [She gives her number]

A few things are happening here. Even though I mentioned she gave off the girlfriend type vibe, I figure she is seriously interest in me, might as well just follow through and see what happens. I have my girlfriend staying with me and threesomes will typically happen AFTER you have had sex with the new girl and you’ve prescreened an openness of the idea with her. Obviously at this point I’ve done neither, so the simple plan was to have her choose a place she felt comfortable with by her. Meeting for drinks and seeing if I couldn’t venue change back to her place.

Sometime after I got her cell number I txted her asking what place she choose. Then I got absolutely no response until Thursday. I knew at this point something happened. You don’t go responding almost instantly to my messages to waiting a couple of days to respond.

Apparently she had spent that time Facebook stalking me and came to the conclusion that it looked like I may have a girlfriend. This is why being friends on Facebook with a girl you haven’t slept with is a big negative. Sleep with her first.
She texted me and told me it looked like I had a girlfriend and if that was the case she wouldn’t want to get involved with that.

I was upfront. I told her that I was seeing someone and that it was complicated, but we shouldn’t get together if it made her uncomfortable with hanging out with me.

She actually didn’t respond at that point, and I didn’t think she would. She has commented on a few Facebook posts since then and I on hers, but in the end the fact that I was in a relationship killed this one.

But just as a side note, I love situation openers, they work consistently and can be used anywhere.

What are you reading?/Reading anything good?

What are you playing?/Playing anything good/fun?

Ask about something interesting they are wearing or have with them

Comment on something in your common environment

And so on.

They work great on stationary targets. Moving targets it is better in my opinion to just go direct and get out asap after you have closed, but if they aren’t going anywhere immediately you are better off just coming off as a nice sociable guy than laying out all your cards on the table with a direct approach, because if you aren’t calibrated correctly with the direct approach you are done.

Link Clean Up

I've gone through all the links on the left hand side of the page and removed almost all of them that were outdated.  There were a couple on the forums list that weren't working that will be removed in a couple of weeks if that remains the case.  If you feel a blog or forum should be listed let me know.

Also, does anyone know what happened to the Real Assanova's blog?  It now goes directly to some unrelated website.

New Years Eve Threesome

For New Years Eve we went to a friend's house party on Long Island.  This was a non-swinger party.  Our friend's home is a very large five bedroom house on the water.  At the last minute we invited a female friend of ours to join us.  I knew before hand that she was attracted to girls and she was completely aware that my girlfriend and I are swingers.  My hope was that we could end up in a threesome situation, but logistically speaking things did not fall into place the way I had hoped. 

My goal was to have her, Lisa, a cute Ukrainian girl, come to our apartment and then the three of us would go together to the party which was 45 minutes away.  This would allow Lisa to drink freely since she would not have to worry about driving and also force her to come back to our place before heading home.  Instead she was held up at work and had to meet us at the party.  As a result I thought she would be a conservative drinker, especially since she is a lightweight to begin with and wouldn't let loose and have a great time.

That assumption was totally off base.  Throughout the night she matched drink for drink with my girlfriend and I and was flirting with the both of us throughout the night.  However, at some point she took a liking to a Single Guy at the party, Jude, and began spending a significant amount of time with him.  They danced, snuggled up with each other on a couch, and even kissed.

Sometime around 1 a.m. I noticed she was no longer in the house.  She was outside with Jude as people were trying to figure out the complex parking situation to get out of the driveway and leave.  Apparently Jude first asked her if she would like to go up to one of the bedrooms.  She said no.  Then he asked her if she wanted to go back home with him.  She said no again.  Finally he asked if she wanted to go back to her place with him and she said no.  He left without asking her for her number at that point.

Back into the house she came, quite a bit disappointed.  However, she was back to drinking and flirting with my girlfriend and I.

If a girl is turned on by one person, that physical/emotional state is not localized to just the person who turned her on.  If that person is no longer present, that physical/emotional state can be maintained and taken advantage of by another person who can continue to escalate physically and emotionally with the girl.  In addition, if a girl's self-esteem has just taken a hit because she felt rejection by someone, she may seek validation from someone else by being receptive to their sexual advances.

The three of us went upstairs to the bedrooms to look for a free room to have fun.  Lisa just let us lead the way and didn't actually ask why we were heading to a bedroom.  However, all the damn bedrooms had people in them taking naps except the master bedroom.  In addition, we caught a straggler, the host, our friend, Chris. 

Chris knows we are swingers and must have assumed we were about to have a threesome and instead of just letting us have our fun seemed to be attempting to get in on the action.  He tried to get us all to go into the master bedroom with him, but neither my girlfriend, nor Lisa had any interest in such a scenario.  He was without realizing it, being a massive cockblock. 

I had to think very quickly so I said to the three of them (my girlfriend, Lisa, and Chris) that we should all go back down.  Once downstairs, we all ended up on a couch.  I whispered to my girlfriend to take Lisa back up to the master bedroom, which she did.  I chatted with Chris for a few minutes and then told him I would be right back and I went up an alternate staircase to get to the bedrooms.  I tried to lock the master bedroom door behind me, but it just would not lock.  I decided to just say fuck it and closed the door and hoped into bed with my girlfriend and Lisa.

My girlfriend and Lisa began making out and I started going down on Lisa when all of a sudden I heard someone come into the room.  I look up and I see Mitchell, one of the partygoers, walking up to the bed.  I look at him and say, “Get out” as I pointed to the door, followed by, “And don't tell anyone what we are doing.”  He looked at me blankly for a moment and then turned around and left.  I proceeded to go back down on Lisa again when a couple of minutes later the door opens again.

This time about ten people come into the room including one girl who jumps on the bed.  Mitchell apparently thought it was funny to crash our fun.  And I thought Chris was being a cockblock.  Such behavior could easily end a threesome or even regular sex between two people.  Anyhow, I squeezed the girl's boobs that jumped onto the bed and told her to either join in or get out.  She actually looked like she was considering it when I just had enough of all the gawkers and told them to all get out, which thankfully they promptly did. 

Once out I began going down on Lisa for a third and final time.  I then put on a condom and entered her missionary and the threesome continued without a hitch.  Thankfully we weren't bothered for the rest of the night.

It was a pretty good start to the New Year ;-)