Approach: Stephanie

It was around midday during the week a couple of weeks ago when I sat down in the enclosed waiting area on one of the Long Island Rail Road platforms to wait for my train. An attractive blond sat down two seats down from me and began playing with her kindle or nook. I was enjoying my apple and was waiting to finish before I opened. By the time I was done I realized that she was playing some sort of game on the thing, which I had no idea you could even do, so I opened with, “Playing anything good?” as opposed to, “Reading anything good?”

The girl lit up instantly. I firmly believe, especially once you are out of the early morning hours, that most people are simply bored and starting a conversation with a girl will typically brighten their day as long as you do not come off as creepy or needy.

We discussed the game a bit, I asked to see the thing, fiddled with it for a moment and then handed it back to her telling her that it was neat. I transitioned into a conversation about books. It seemed natural considering we began with a game on her nook (we will just assume it is a nook).

She asked me my name, I asked her hers and then I asked her about the case she had with her that looked like it contained a musical instrument. Most of my transitions will come from observations or a natural offshoot of whatever topic we are discussing. This makes the conversation flow naturally rather than come off like an interview. Of course I do have quite a few defaults I fall back on if the conversation feels like it is losing energy or stalling.

It turned out she was a music therapist and worked at several different locations and was in the process of heading from one location to another which was why she was waiting for the train (which was a different train than I was waiting for).
The conversation was moving at full speed when her train showed up. She got up to go and hesitated which indicated to me she wanted me to number close, but I actually didn’t want to. I already have a girlfriend and this girl gave off super girlfriend type vibe…not the sort of girl you can bring to a bar for a couple of drinks and then sleep with, which is all I’m looking for. I let her go.

While out that Friday night I see I have a new friend request notification on my phone on Facebook. I take a look and I see the name Stephanie and I’m thinking, who the hell is Stephanie, must be spam. On Saturday when I actually take the time to look at it, it was the same girl. If a girl friend requests you on a Friday or Saturday night that is a major indicator of interest. That means she was either hanging out with her girlfriends talking about you and they decided to look you up and friend you or she was sitting there all by herself thinking about you with nothing to do on a key night to be going out.

I wait a few days before I accept the request, a little puzzled as to how this girl even found me. All she knew was my first name, that I was an Attorney and possibly the town I lived in. I probably asked hers when I was prescreening logistics.

The following exchange occurred via Facebook messaging:

Me: I knew you said you were a music therapist but you never told me you were an internet sleuth ;-) How in the world di you find me…or is that a trade secret?

Her: Haha well you know I can’t give all my secrets away….I thought our conversation was cut off too soon so I figured there must be a way to find you! Hows that reading going?

Me: Well after taking the trouble to find me I should disappoint. Do you have any plans for next Friday? We can meet for drinks and continue where we left off :-)

Her: Well that sounds like a Fabulous idea! I’d love to :-)

Me: Choose a place that you like somewhere near you and we’ll go there :-) What is your cell phone number?

Her: [She gives her number]

A few things are happening here. Even though I mentioned she gave off the girlfriend type vibe, I figure she is seriously interest in me, might as well just follow through and see what happens. I have my girlfriend staying with me and threesomes will typically happen AFTER you have had sex with the new girl and you’ve prescreened an openness of the idea with her. Obviously at this point I’ve done neither, so the simple plan was to have her choose a place she felt comfortable with by her. Meeting for drinks and seeing if I couldn’t venue change back to her place.

Sometime after I got her cell number I txted her asking what place she choose. Then I got absolutely no response until Thursday. I knew at this point something happened. You don’t go responding almost instantly to my messages to waiting a couple of days to respond.

Apparently she had spent that time Facebook stalking me and came to the conclusion that it looked like I may have a girlfriend. This is why being friends on Facebook with a girl you haven’t slept with is a big negative. Sleep with her first.
She texted me and told me it looked like I had a girlfriend and if that was the case she wouldn’t want to get involved with that.

I was upfront. I told her that I was seeing someone and that it was complicated, but we shouldn’t get together if it made her uncomfortable with hanging out with me.

She actually didn’t respond at that point, and I didn’t think she would. She has commented on a few Facebook posts since then and I on hers, but in the end the fact that I was in a relationship killed this one.

But just as a side note, I love situation openers, they work consistently and can be used anywhere.

What are you reading?/Reading anything good?

What are you playing?/Playing anything good/fun?

Ask about something interesting they are wearing or have with them

Comment on something in your common environment

And so on.

They work great on stationary targets. Moving targets it is better in my opinion to just go direct and get out asap after you have closed, but if they aren’t going anywhere immediately you are better off just coming off as a nice sociable guy than laying out all your cards on the table with a direct approach, because if you aren’t calibrated correctly with the direct approach you are done.